edgyversion 5 day.ago

One hot afternoon, farmer Jed was slouched against his rickety fence, chewing on a straw, staring out at his pasture. His cows, usually just standing there, dumb as bricks, were up to something odd. They weren’t grazing like normal. No, these cows were huddled in a circle by the old barn, heads low, tails swatting flies, and Jed could swear he saw something glinting in the dirt. Poker chips? Playing cards? He spat out his straw and muttered, “Well, that’s new.” He shuffled closer, boots crunching on dry grass, and there it was: his herd of Holsteins, playing a full-on game of Texas Hold’em. Bessie, the big boss cow, was nosing a pile of what looked like poker chips, though they smelled suspiciously like dried cow pies. Daisy, the scrappy one, flicked a card with her hoof and let out a smug moo, like she’d just raised the pot. Jed squinted harder. The grass they were chomping between bets wasn’t his usual clover. It had a weird, skunky whiff, and their eyes were redder than a sunset. Out of nowhere, a city guy in a cheap suit and cheaper cologne struts up, carrying a briefcase like he’s selling encyclopedias. “Name’s Rick,” he says, flashing a grin. “Heard you got some, uh, unique livestock, farmer. Mind if I take a gander?” Jed, still trying to wrap his head around his gambling cows, just shrugs and points to the pasture. “Knock yourself out, slick.” Rick swaggers over, leans on the fence, and his jaw hits the ground. The cows are deep in their game now. Mabel, the sneaky one, locks eyes with another cow, who snorts and folds her cards. Rick’s practically drooling. “Old man, this is unreal! Your cows are playing poker like they’re in Vegas! And what’s with that grass they’re eating?” The farmer scratches his neck, glancing at the cows. “Yeah, I don’t know what’s in that patch, but .." Rick’s eyes light up as he cuts the farmer off “Old man, you’re sitting on a fortune! Forget milk, you could take this show on the road. Cow poker! It’s the future!” He’s pacing now, waving his hands like he’s pitching a movie. “Picture it: lights, cameras, bovines bluffing their way to millions!” The farmer chuckles, shaking his head. “Good Sir, I ain’t about that circus life. I just wanna know who’s winning out there, ‘cause with my funny patch over there, this is one High Steaks game.”